Family

My fb status said something about family this week.

As in, once you're in it, you're in it forever.

Then Brendan posted the Make it Spicy video, before Brian died.


I can't explain. I do not understand why our Creator would make us this way. I do not know how he came to the decision of making us this way, reacting to events, and people, and love in such a way as we do.

He not only allowed us to feel pain, but joy. And feel it not for a moment but for long, suspended periods of time. When we can experience our hearts clenching inside of us when we laugh. Because there is hurt, and memories, and incredible love that all gets mixed together and poured out in that laugh.

I used to think of memories as bad things sometimes. Memories allow us to re-feel the pain that we struggle to leave behind. They can sadden our eyes and cause us to try and fade away to forget them. That can be true.

But memories can also be the summer we long for in the winter.

When we feel like the ice and snow are permanent. When we aren't sure if grey will become a constant cover, or if pink will ever re-surface on the trees and such.

Those moments of beautiful can be as redeeming as the little bird voice I heard this morning outside my window.

There is so much hope in that. So much hope. Because if it's happened before it can happen again. If love has happened before, it can happen again. If we were alive before we can be alive again. If we had hope before we can muster up some hope again.

And this, friends, is why I continue to hold on to Jesus Christ. I don't understand, but I know that I can't exist in winter forever.
And each word from him is somewhat like a bird-song.


Choose to say it's crazy, choose to say it's worth it, choose to ignore completely and return to youtube.

Or, choose to hope.

There's so much more than winter.

If you say go

We will go.

If you say wait

We will wait.

If you say step out on the water, and they say it can't be done

We will fix our eyes on you and we will come

Your ways

are higher than our ways

and the plans that you have laid are good and true.

So if you call us to the fire, you will not withdraw your hand

We will gaze into the flames and look to you.


-"If you say go"

I am overwhelmed with joy. Therefore, I write again.

I just stalked my fb timeline in 2009.

I came across more than 155 messages from people that I knew, that year.

Blessed.

Ilana's friend Kailey say "Blessings" all the time when she sees people she knows. Her very own version of goodbye. I've always thought it was pretty cute, but I have not quite noticed the word "blessed", or "blessings" (in the case of wishing them upon someone), the same way as I do in this moment.

Beautiful life.


I apologize if you are a person who is suffering. I, too, have had days when I feel like I'm carrying some problems of the world on my shoulders. We are bent over with sorrow for those who ache, sometimes for ourselves, and simply wonder,

"Why, Lord? Why?"

That happens. Sometimes for days, sometimes for seasons.


I spoke with my philosophy professor about the Problem of Evil last semester. I thought, what if they are right? What if this problem of evil is just too great for us? It can't be defeated until Christ comes back, and the thought of even one more suffering innocent is just too much to handle.

And she said,

Things that are evil are evil because they are a contrast, and a depletion of true beauty that does exist. It's because they are not the way things are supposed to be. The true problem would be if they became normal, and if we were not upset about them.

Hello, tangent.

Point:

Suffering is hard. We worry about relationships, starvation, homework, jobs, natural disasters, family issues, sickness, and pain.

BUT

We hate them because they are unlike what God intended ours lives to be like. Harmonious and beautiful, filled with joy and thankfulness for the love he bestows upon us.

..Amen?


I can't list the names of every wonderful person that has impacted by life. I just can't. They would fill this page and then I would surely leave someone out and would become worried about that.

So instead I'll just say thank you.

To those who have shined so brightly in a world that can be so dark.

To those who have loved when they aren't loved in return. For those who are patient, giddy, strong, brave, smart, and trusting.

For those who have given something up, and have taken hits.

For those who are actively pursuing Christ, bringing honor to him in whatever they do.
Some of you have done that without even knowing.


He is so good. And this God that we know, this beautiful and benevolent, yet powerful God,

will reign forever.

I am so, so grateful that he sent beauty, like flowers,

and beauty, like you.

To me.





He shows himself through our love.

Goodnight,

dream of beautiful things.

"So live in my love"

Pensive.

Thinker/feeler ENFJ.

What do you do when your mind is a whirl-wind of everything?

I know I need to write this essay. But my mind is a combination of a bajillion questions and notions and "please get to know me"s.

Here we are.

We are so loved by Christ Jesus, who is Lord above all.

I would love not to share that with you. So that you don't think I'm crazy. I just want to grab you, reader, and pull you close. As we're sitting together, my face close to yours, just sitting in the chairs outside,

I would say it again.

Because it's important.

It's important for you to know when you think about life. When you think about who you are. It's important for us to know,

in the last days.
In the now days.



It's important, love,

This is important.

Because each moment and relationship is something precious. And we can't simply stand by when wonderful is at our fingertips.

When truth is before us and ready to be fervently sought and grasped!!
The Lord of all creation knows you.

knows you.


I have to do my homework now. I just have to.

But that's something we cannot afford to forget.


He is here.


"...live in my love."

John 15.